I had a little conversation on Twitter with @SonnyGill last night. Sonny and I don’t chat that often, but we do float around in and out of each others’ radar sometimes. Last night we got to talking about our names. You see, Sonny confessed on his blog that “Sonny” is not his real name. I then confessed to him that “Suze” is not my real name either – it’s a nickname that my Dad gave me when I was a kid. Sonny then joked with me that it was my “personal brand”. And that got me thinking… When I first got inspired to create my blog (after my trip to Podcamp Toronto in 2007), I raced home to Ottawa, hopped on WordPress, and the first thing it asked me for was a name. I was stumped. I thought, “Well I guess I should make it something sensible”. I tried Sue Murphy, Susan Murphy, smurphy, to no avail, of course, because my name is pretty common. So I thought for a minute, then just typed “SuzeMuse”. Suze, because of the nickname, and “muse” because I figured, well, my blog is going to be (mostly) written, so guess I’d better find my muse, and quick! I then realized that if I was going to be known on my blog as “SuzeMuse”, then I’d better be consistent. I went to a bunch of social network sites and got the username, and also bought the domain. Thus, and quite unintentionally, I might add, the “brand” of SuzeMuse was born. There are a lot of people out here making social media, personal branding and online marketing much more complicated than it needs to be; to the point where it can be quite intimidating. Making social media work for you isn’t some mysterious secret. It doesn’t require you to be a technical wizard, a brilliant designer, or even a great writer. In fact, the only requirement to be successful in social media is to be…are you ready for it? A human being. Stop trying so darn hard. As my friend Kneale Mann says, “This ain’t rocket surgery!”…and I totally agree with him. That’s not to discount all the really smart people that are out here talking in easy to understand ways about social media and how it’s changing the game and making businesses think differently. Social media has fundamentally changed the way we connect with one another. But that doesn’t mean it’s complicated. I think it’s sometimes made out to be way more complicated than it needs to be. Ultimately, there’s really only one way to make all this social media stuff work for you. It doesn’t matter if you are a giant corporation or an individual doing your own thing. All you need to do to succeed in this space is to be yourself. It’s really that simple. Make time to make it happen. People often ask me how I have the time to run a business, have a healthy marriage, spend time with my family and friends offline, AND work this whole social media thing into the mix. Well the truth is, I don’t actually consider it “working it in”. It’s part of what I do. It’s integrated into my day. I have basically two ways that I work it. I have chunks of time that are totally focused – like hanging out with my nephews or having dinner with my husband. I also have to be entirely focused for tasks like writing a big proposal or strategy. Those times, I am most definitely off-line. But other times, I take an integrated approach, like when I’m checking email or doing a tedious task like rendering video. At these times I tend to flip back and forth – chatting on Skype, popping into Twitter, or commenting on Facebook. I work both things together, and somehow, everything gets done. Does it make me less productive? Actually, I think it has the opposite effect. If I’m sharing what I’m up to, maybe I’m able to help someone else. If I’m checking in on what others are doing, maybe I can pick up something new. It’s all part of how I am just being myself out here. Make no apologies. Ok, can we do something for once and for all? Can we STOP making such a big deal about making money? How many times a week do I have to listen to people defend themselves online for wanting to actually make a living? I remember Chris Brogan said once “I can’t eat a hug”. (I’m not actually sure where he said that, because dude’s everywhere). Look – I love social media. I think it’s just great. It’s literally changed my life. Some of the best friends I’ve had in my life I know because I got involved in this stuff. But I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t doing at least some of this because of the opportunities it provides me to make a living. And I make NO apologies for that. Making money should never be your raison d’être for being here – people will find out pretty quick if you are are trying to gain their trust just so you can make a buck off them. But…there’s no reason why you shouldn’t be always looking for opportunities. Connect with people because you see something in them that appeals to you. Some people will become good friends. Others may lead you to your next big opportunity. Some people may be both friends and opportunities. And that’s okay. If your intentions are good and you do that one simple thing (be a real person), then you’ll be richer in both your relationships and your pocketbook. If you aren’t reading, you’re not learning. One final tip. If there’s one thing you can do right now to get ahead in social media, it’s to read. I am a voracious reader. I read almost continuously. Sometimes it’s 140 characters at a time, sometimes it’s 500 words in a
My Low Tech Approach to Podcamp
This weekend I’m thrilled to be attending my 2nd Podcamp Montreal. Last year’s inaugural event was, to say the least, fantastic. I met a ton of amazing people, and I can’t stress enough how much I love the unique vibe and class that the Montreal organizers bring to the event. You really have to experience it in person to know what I mean. Podcamp is about connecting, sharing, community, and network building. It’s also about technology, and the Web. So it stands to reason that lots of people will be bringing their technology with them to Podcamp, and using it profusely throughout the weekend. There will be abundant laptops clicking away, video recorders running, photos being snapped, and mobile devices being mobile. Which is totally fine. Far be it from me to deny a geek access to their technology! I choose to do things a bit differently when I attend conferences. I take a mostly low-tech approach to my environment here. I don’t lug a laptop. I carry my iPhone (I’m not crazy!) but I use it sparingly. Ow ow ow! Hand cramp! I am definitely a note taker. I write stuff down all the time. I have to. It’s part of my composition – it’s how I retain information and learn new things. I type a lot faster than I write, so if I’m typing notes during a session, I tend to want to try to write everything down. And if I’m doing that, I’m not really listening to the presentation. So I come armed with no more than a notebook and pen. That way, if I am writing, it’s only key info. And, pen to paper is a lot less distracting for the person sitting next to me as well. One other side benefit of not bringing a laptop? Well, I typically don’t like to walk up to someone and strike up a conversation if they look “busy” on their computer. How available do I look if in between sessions, I’m head down trying to figure out how to upload the video I just shot, or checking my email? If I’m not clacking away, I stand a much better chance of making eye contact with someone, and starting up a new conversation. Are you here for you or for them? I might get in trouble for this one, but again, this the way I do things – I’m not judging others here. If you find value in live tweeting events, then go to town with it. Really. However…consider what value live tweeting is really adding. Again, if I’m head down in my laptop or on my phone, posting to Twitter every darn thing the speaker is saying, am I really absorbing the information? Am I actively participating or passively documenting? And to what end? Are your followers deriving value from your stream or are they tuning you out till the conference is over? Are real conversations happening and if so, are you paying more attention to the online stream or what’s going on in front of you? Other than maybe taking a photo or two or documenting something funny or compelling that happens in a session, I tend to keep my in-session tweeting to a minimum. Not everyone cares about ROI on social media, so I don’t feel that filling my stream with strange, out of context quotes adds value. If I really want to talk about what I’m learning, I’ll blog about it that night. But live tweeting? Not for me, thanks. Reach out and touch someone. I don’t go to a ton of conferences, but the ones I do go to tend to be the unconferency, grass rootsy type of affairs. I like the format and the flexibility and the fact that I can wear jeans and a sweater and a ponytail. I like The Law of Two Feet. I like that it’s totally inclusive. I like that I can just sit on the floor in the hallway with a group of people and experience and learn and get excited about things as easily as I can inside of a formal session. Gathering at events like conferences is about BEING 100% THERE. It’s not about bragging to all your followers how you’re hanging out with the popular kids. It’s not about waltzing around telling everyone what an expert you are. It’s about coming together with other like minded, talented, passionate, and genuine people and building friendships and business relationships and yah, you know what? Sometimes, it’s a little bit of sitting in a circle singing Kumbaya too. And I’m totally down with that. Because it’s about being together, live, in person – connecting. And at the end of this weekend I intend to have some fresh ideas, some new friends, and a renewed sense of passion for this work I do. That’s why I go. That’s why you should too. Podcamp Montreal 2009 September 19th and 20th UQAM Design Centre 1440 rue Sanguinet Montreal, QC See you there 🙂
Creating Spaces
I’ve been thinking about spaces a lot. There are many different ways we create spaces. There’s making emotional space, for your friends, your family, or that special someone. There’s physical space, as in the space you create for your home or your working environment. There’s the relationship between space and time, where you need to carve out the pieces and chunks of how you’re going to spend your time, and how much space you’re going to allot for all of the various things in your life. We can’t survive (at least not comfortably) without striking a balance between all of our different spaces. Spaces are critical to our success as human beings. Think about how you arrange the spaces around you. It might be the way your bedroom is set up to be most conducive to restful sleep. It may be how your desk is arranged so you are most productive. Everyone has different preferences. For example, my desk is neat and organized, so I don’t often spend a lot of time searching for things. It’s a space that allows me to get things done. On the other hand, my car is messy beyond belief – but it is merely a tool that I use to get around, usually in a hurry, so for me, it doesn’t have to be organized. It’s a space that moves me from space to space. How does this relate to online experiences? Well this is where spaces get really interesting. In the online world, it’s all about spaces. I have a space on Facebook, a space on Twitter, a space on this blog. I’m filling my spaces all the time with my thoughts, opinions, conversations, and questions. I’m being helped, and helping others inside of my space and inside of their spaces. In fact, the entire Web is just a series of spaces, all linked together. That’s fundamentally what makes it all work – spaces. So you’ve got all these spaces, now what? Well, consider it like you’d consider your home. Some spaces are functional, like the kitchen. Some are beautiful, like your garden. Others are social, like your family room. But, it’s totally up to you how you use your spaces. Take Newfoundland, for instance – there, kitchens are functional, but they are also extremely social. There are lots of social media “experts” out here who will try to tell you that Facebook MUST be used for socializing. LinkedIN MUST be used for functional, practical business stuff. Twitter is just fluff. Lots of people want to try and tell us how to use our spaces. Whatever you do, don’t listen to them. They are missing the point. We are all responsible for creating our own spaces out here. We fill our spaces with the things we are interested in, are passionate about, things that are concrete…or sometimes we just fill them in with fun, silly stuff. Most of the time it’s a combination of those things. But the really cool part happens when we begin to let others into our spaces. There’s abundant possibility in shared spaces. And this world out here, on the Web, is all about shared spaces. So…what kind of space are you going to create?
Creativity 101
I’m heading downtown this morning to spend the day with the wonderful gang at SAW Video Co-op. I’m on the Board of Directors there, and today is what’s known as a “Visioning Retreat”…which is really just a fancied up term for creative planning, I think. I don’t know exactly what to expect, but I’ve been to lots of these kinds of sessions before. I find them to be quite a bit of fun, when done well. I have no doubt that this session will be great – these guys are a class act. Before I head out, I wanted to jot down a few ideas on creativity. Creativity is something that lots of people get apprehensive about. “I can only be creative when I have complete silence.” “If I’m not feeling it, it won’t happen.” “Most other people are far more creative than I.” We have lots of excuses for our lack of creative energy. I make them all the time. Someone once told me that procrastination is a direct result of not having enough information. If you don’t know, you can’t do. Kinda makes sense, eh? So how do we get over the hurdle and get into a creative mindset? Here’s a few things I’m trying. Clean the closet. It’s next to impossible to have a creative thought if you’re busy worrying about everything else you need to do. But don’t sit there saying to yourself “I’ll work on my creative thing as soon as I get X and Y done,” because you’ll never get to Z, I promise. The best way I’ve found to get things out of my head is to get them onto a list. Get a clean sheet of paper and a pen (Yes. Low tech here, people!). Write down everything you need to do. EVERYTHING. Once you’ve got your list, put it away. There. Now you have a blank slate. Create! Have lots of dumb ideas. Seriously. I have dumb ideas all the time. Ridiculous, even. I know it’s dumb as soon as I think of it. But I make note of it anyway. (Tech tip – I am a fan of Evernote for this, because I can jot it down from any computer, handheld device, etc. and it’s all synced up all the time). Because what might be a dumb idea today could be a brilliant move in 6 months. That’s happened to me a lot. Come up with lots of dumb ideas, because for all the dumb ones, you’re going to get some real gems. Many hands make light work. It’s true, there are some things in life that are just better when you do them with someone else. (No, I’m not talking about that. But think what you want.) It’s fine to be a creative loner sometimes. Writing this blog is my independent creative outlet (though I get lots of inspiration from you all). But really, I can’t think of anything I like more than sitting in a room full of creative minds, shouting out ideas, playing off one another, and making something brilliant. It’s a wonderful feeling, to be supercharged with all the creative energy that a group can have. If you need to get fired up creatively, grab some friends or colleagues, lock yourself in a room for a few hours and see where you end up. It works. Well it’s about time for me to head out. I’m excited for today, and for all the new ideas and creative moments we’ll have. I’ll leave the rest up to you, okay? If you have thoughts to share on how you spark your creative energy, share them with us in the comments.
SuzeMuse Reviews: "Crush It!" by Gary Vaynerchuk
Breaking with my DNA to bring you the first in a series of 1 video book reviews by yours truly. You saw it here first, folks! Oh, and then go buy the book. Seriously. (Facebook readers, here’s the original YouTube link: http://tinyurl.com/qh6pfu)
The Simplicity of Kindness and the Power of Echo
There’s a church around the corner from my house. It’s one of those churches that often displays little messages on the outside notice board. They change it up every week or so, just in time for the Sunday service, it seems. There’s a traffic light at the corner, so I always have a moment before the light turns green to fully read what the board says. I see it over and over again throughout the week. Sometimes I don’t pay much attention to it, but other times the message sort of sticks with me. Today’s message was “Kind words make kind echoes.” Out here in cyberspace we often talk about echo, but it’s not always in the context of kindness. The echo chamber out here in the social media world has a very negative connotation. Reference to the echo chamber often implies that all us social media blogging types spend our days and nights (because, you know, we don’t actually have REAL jobs), mulling over the same 3 or 4 topics ad nauseum then hauling our butts off to conferences so we can truly sit around and yammer on about the same inane sentiments over and over. I’m not here to deny that the echo chamber exists. It’s certainly alive and well. I’ve blogged about the social media “bubble” before. I am as guilty as anyone of flapping around in the fishbowl. But that message I saw on the church sign today, and some recent experiences I’ve had have got me thinking hat there’s another side to this whole echo thing. That in fact, the echo chamber is actually being used for good, too. I’ve had a couple of experiences in the past several days where I’ve been on the receiving end of some very kind words, both publicly and privately. Sure, we’ve all had nice things said to us or about us at one time or another. But being nice and being kind, to me, are two different things. Nice is surface. It’s consideration of another, in the moment. It’s a quick gesture, like holding a door open. Kindness has other more lasting qualities. Kindness is easy. You know how sometimes, you HAVE to be nice? Like how you HAVE to be nice to your best friend’s new boyfriend, even though you think he’s a creep? Or how you HAVE to be nice to the customer in your checkout line, even though she won’t stop complaining about how slow the service is? Being nice is hard sometimes, but kindness is always easy. It comes from the heart. You are kind to someone because you feel a need to show that person you’re listening, that you care, and that they have value. You’re kind because you WANT to be, not because you HAVE to be. Kindness is genuine. How easy is it for you to tell if someone’s being fake? When the words they are saying or the things they are doing, nice as they might seem, are just to get on your good side so they can get something from you? My bet is you can probably see that type of person coming a mile away. I know I can. When someone’s playing the suck up game, there’s always something sitting there in the background that isn’t quite right. That person will leave their compliments dangling – and you’re left waiting for the other shoe to drop. Authentic kindness is unquestionably sincere. When you are genuinely kind, you seek nothing in return. Not even a thank you. You are taking the pleasure in raising someone else up, for no other reason than that you want to. The payoff is not in reciprocation. It’s in the act of kindness itself. Kindness echoes. The final indicator of kindness is what I’ve just realized today – that kindness really does have an echo. If someone is publicly kind, it’s easy to see the echo. One positive gesture echoes good feelings not only towards the recipient of the kindness, but towards the giver as well. One act of kindness can quickly run rampant. Remember the Free Hugs guy? Or just take a look at the list of Random Acts of Kindness references in Wikipedia. Even a private kind act will bring forth positive feelings that resonate. Saying or doing one kind thing for someone can have a lasting impact…whether it’s just brightening another’s day by telling them you appreciate them, or by helping them out and asking nothing in return. You can tell true kindness by the mark it leaves, and by the lasting effect of the echo it makes. So…which echo chamber are you going to be part of?
Community and Competition: Strange Bedfellows
Last night, I got a message from Keith Burtis. Keith often pings me just to say hi or chat. We sometimes talk on Skype. He’s a person I know I can turn to to celebrate my successes, and who I can lean on when things go bad. We’ve collaborated on a bunch of things to do with work. I consider him a very good friend. Alan Isfan is another good friend of mine. We catch up a couple of times a week, have collaborated on some work stuff, and he’s that guy I know I can rely on 100% to help me out in a pinch, whether it’s a work-related challenge or if I am stuck on the side of the road in a blizzard. I am grateful every day to have such terrific and talented people around me. But what I find fascinating is, even though we have these strong, solid personal relationships, and even though we have built a tremendous amount of trust with one another, we are actually each others’ competition. You see, Alan, and Keith and I are all in the same business. We use new media, social media and video to help our clients tell stories. Ultimately, we are all drawing from the same well. How is it that we’re not mortal enemies, then? You must remember this. Think about 10-15 years ago. Competitors were something to be stifled, pushed down, tromped on. If a businessperson didn’t know who their competitors were and how to beat them, they simply weren’t doing it right. It was a wicked game, but one that many played hard. Sometimes, they’d even go so far as to befriend the competition, but their intent was often devious. They just wanted to find out how their competitors ticked. What was tripping them up. So they could swoop in and scoop the business. Now before you jump all over me, it wasn’t ALWAYS like this. That’s where the phrase “If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em!”, came from. I worked for giant corporations for many years; if they couldn’t compete, they just tried for a monopoly. Yah, that’ll show ’em. Play it again, Sam. Oh sure, fierce competition still goes on today on many levels. Giant corporations certainly haven’t changed THAT much. But I do sense a shift in the small to medium business world, and I wonder if it has to do with the shift in the way we communicate and connect with one another. Think about it – how many people do you know in your social networks that you consider someone you trust? Someone you’d like to do business with? Collaborate with? Partner with? Now how many of those people are your direct competitors? It’s all about US. If you’re anything like me, you’ll answer the above questions with things like “Oh, so many of the people I know online I’d love to work with!”, “I trust that person immensely!”, and “I’d do anything I can to help that person!”. Times have changed indeed. That’s the thing about community. Instead of us feeling that we’re all working against each other, pushing and shoving our way into the pockets of those people who need our products and services, we’re all helping each other to succeed. Somehow, we realize that there’s enough to go around. Somehow, we realize that even though we are all trying to do similar things, we’ve all got our own strengths and weaknesses. We know that the sum of the parts makes a stronger whole out here in the online world. But…There is a flip side to this philosophy – a down side, if you will. Whereas competition and community can co-exist happily much of the time, trust itself can be fickle. One false move and you may find yourself having to build up all over again. I’ve learned some lessons in the past few months about trusting too much. I think it’s absolutely wonderful that I have these great friends like Keith and Allan who I love to hang out with and talk to and work with, but it’s taken time for us to build that. Just because someone wants to be your “friend” doesn’t mean you should dive in with both feet and reveal everything right away, especially if that person is potentially a competitor. It is easy to trust people quickly on things like Twitter. It’s easy to take someone’s recommendation and put your trust in another right away without doing the proper checks and balances to see if that person’s reputation stands up. And as a result, it’s easier than ever to get burned. So should you close down? Not at all. But do keep your guard up, until people prove themselves…and I mean with real stuff, not just words. So I guess what I’m trying to say is…This post stems from a bunch of stuff that has been swimming around in my head lately. It comes from a situation with Keith and Allan last night where we were able to work together to create something that I hope helps Keith out in a big way. It comes from the fact that I’m completely engrossed in Chris and Julien’s book Trust Agents right now (click that big book up on the right side there, so you can buy oh, I dunno, 1 or 50 or 100 or 1000 copies, ok?). I’m totally biased; I’m not making any secret about that. But honestly it’s been a while since a business book has had me thinking so much. To the point of distraction sometimes. It’s definitely wrapping my head around some things that I’ve been noodling with for a while. What it comes down to is, somehow, this space that we’re sharing out here has made us aware, in no uncertain terms, of who our competition is. As businesspeople, that’s a good thing. But it’s also made us realize that we’re all just people, trying to succeed, trying to live our passions and dreams. It’s
Return on Eyeballs: The new ROI
I’m honoured to have been asked to be part of a proposed panel for this year’s South By Southwest 2010 conference, called “Prove It! Exploring Social Media ROI for Business”. I’m even more honoured to be sitting on the proposed panel with some of the people I admire most in the world of new media: Amber Naslund, Allan Isfan, Keith Burtis, Jason Falls, Jay Berkowitz and Justin Levy. I really hope you vote for us, because this group has an unbelievable amount of insight and experience in the world of social media. As businesspeople, they’ve broken new ground. As leaders, they’ve inspired and motivated. We’ve got lots of insight to share on the topic of Return on Investment in social media. Hope you’ll give us a chance to bring the discussion of social media ROI to this event. I suppose Keith asked me to be part of this, not because he thinks I’m some sort of thought leader on ROI in social media (I’m definitely not), but because I come at the whole ROI thing from a bit of a different perspective. But just so you know, my co-panelists are definitely the best people to tell you the specifics about ROI, and you darn well better listen to them, too. I’m the rogue panelist of sorts, because I don’t necessarily know the “best” ways to measure ROI in social media. I know what’s working for me and for my clients. So I want to share with you what I’ve learned about ROI and how it plays out for me, in the hopes that it gives you a taste of what I want to talk about more when we (hopefully) get in front of you at SXSW. Size doesn’t (always) matter. Measuring ROI in social media is a big, huge, fuzzy grey area for most people. It’s simply not cut and dry. Viewers and listeners and readers are much more intangible in this space. If 1,000 people read your blog post, but only 2 comment, is that good ROI? If you have 20,000 followers on Twitter, but only 3 of those people engage with you and tweet about your product, is that solid evidence that investing resources into building a social media presence is paying off? Many would argue no. Absolutely not. Three engaged followers does not a good ROI make. Might as well give up then, move on to the next thing, or go back to taking out an ad in your community newspaper. I think that’s just plain wrong. Why? Because it’s not always about how many people are interacting with your stuff. It’s about who is interacting with it. Batting a thousand in a single tweet. Here’s a sports example (which is funny coming from me, because I don’t know a darn thing about sports). Let’s say you make custom baseball bats. You set up a blog about baseball bats that includes a link to buy your bats online, and create a Facebook group as an outpost to direct people back to your blog. 1,000 people sign up for your Facebook group. Out of those people, 500 click on the link to visit your blog. Out of those, 50 people buy a bat for $100. You make $5,000, of which $3,000 is profit. Not a bad return, considering it cost you nothing to set up your blog, your Facebook group and the PayPal account so people can purchase online. Then one day, someone comes across you on Twitter. It turns out this someone is the Equipment Manager for the New York Yankees (Don’t laugh…why couldn’t this happen? Rob Cucuzza probably has the Internet too!). It just so happens that his players have been complaining that since their regular bat maker retired last year, the bats just haven’t been the same. Mr. Cucuzza sees a link on Twitter to your Facebook page, and sees hundreds of comments from people who are raving about your bats. He sends you a DM on Twitter, and before you know it, you are flying to New York to negotiate a 3-season contract to be the official baseball bat supplier to the New York frickin’ Yankees! It’s not long before other teams catch wind of your great bats and are banging down your door. Your profits for the 2010 season are $500,000. $500,000, from a single tweet, seen by the right person, at the right time. ROI is important, but so is ROE. The baseball bat story is an example of a subset of Return on Investment that I like to call “Return on Eyeballs”. You see, the game changer of social media and ROI is not how the numbers stack up…it’s how the eyeballs stack up. Now, more than any other point in the history of media, we have the opportunity to get our products and services in front of not only vast numbers of eyeballs, but in front of the right eyeballs. How long do you think it would have taken for you to get a meeting with the Yankees if you’d taken the traditional approach of writing a letter (or 100 letters), and making phone calls to 40 people up a chain till you get to the right person’s voicemail that’s never returned? Instead, one message, in front the right set of eyeballs at the right time and you’re in business. Is there a certain amount of luck and serendipity involved here? Absolutely. But name me a business deal that hasn’t involved a certain amount of getting the right person’s attention at the right time. The cool thing about social media is, it hugely increases your odds of getting noticed by the people who can make the deals. The trick is making sure you are getting the right messages to the right audiences across the right channels. That you’re putting it out there, but you’re also watching very carefully who is picking up your signal. That you’re engaged in the audiences that are engaged in what you have to offer.
What Old Friends Can Teach You
Ok. So we’ve decided we’re not actually “old”. Even though it’s been 20 years, even though we were kids last time we saw each other. Kids, starting our lives after high school, branching out on our own for the first time, with the whole world laid out in front of us. We could do anything. Be anything. Live our dreams. Well, we’ve decided we’ve had lots of experiences in 20 years, but that even though here we are pushing 40 now, we’re not “old”. We’re not “old”. We’re not “old”. I met up with two of my favourite people from high school last night. We found each other on Facebook, of course. We discovered we all lived in the same city. Not far from each other, in fact. It’s a wonder we’ve not run into each other before now. These guys were two of my favourites because they had all the elements of good friends. They were smart. Funny. They were there when you needed them. They were guys. (Aside from a few exceptions, I didn’t really get along with girls so well back in high school. My guy friends were my comfort zone.) Whenever you meet someone again after a long time apart, there’s always that piece inside of you that hopes that they haven’t changed that much. That little thing in the back of your head that says “Geez…what if they turned out to be a complete weirdo? What if I don’t like them? What if they don’t like me?” High school, all over again, eh. How do you know a true friend? There are a handful of people in my life who I can truly say, that 50 years could pass, and when we meet again, it’s like we saw each other yesterday. The two friends I saw last night, fortunately, didn’t go weird on me. We all sat down at the table, and as the stories began, it really was like we just picked up the conversation where we left off. My friend Jon Swanson, when we met in person for the first time last Spring, told me that it’s a sign of true friendship. It’s just one continuous conversation. It could be across many miles (thanks to the Internet), or across many years. He told me that it’s true friendship, when miles and time don’t mean anything. I believe him even more now. It comes down to stories. Everyone has a story. We told many last night. Talked about our relationships, complained about our old teachers, wondered what ever happened to…?, caught up on how our careers have gone, what kind of car we drive now. We even discovered some wacky small-world things. It’s amazing to learn peoples’ stories after a long time apart. Some things are expected (I always knew you’d end up doing such and such). Others come as more of a surprise. But it’s all down to story. Whether online or off, take the time to really listen, and learn peoples’ stories. It makes you a richer person, and you never know what new insights or ideas might be sparked by someone else’s tale. It’s a small world after all. The Web is shrinking our world by the minute. We are more connected now than ever before, not only to new friends and new experiences, but to our past as well. We’ve all been on Facebook and found our old buddies, old boyfriends/girlfriends, even long lost relatives. Maybe not every single one of those people are people you’d want to spend time getting to know again. But we all have some who we’ve wondered more often about. When the opportunity arises to reconnect with those people, jump at it. Because bringing back old memories can not only show you how far you’ve come, it can also be very grounding. There’s an old saying about roots and wings. I can’t remember it right now, but I can tell you, my wings are bigger because I am getting back in touch with my roots – the experiences that shaped me when I was young stay with me to this day, and when I look into the eyes of old friends, it’s like no time has passed – but I realize how much I’ve grown. And, by the way, even though we’re not “old”, we’ve all decided we are aging marvellously. 🙂
Stop…In the Name of Sanity
Suddenly, I stopped. I listened to what my mind was saying. It was telling me some funny things. “You need to blog more. People will stop showing up.” “Boy, you’ve been working really hard. Accomplishing so much. Doing so well. Hope it lasts.” “Wow, are you ever stressed out! You poor thing. How are you going to cope?” “You need to connect with your friends more. They need you. And if you don’t start reaching out more, they won’t be there when you need them.” “What if this doesn’t work out – what if you fail? Then you’ll really have done it.” “You’ve been sitting still for at least 1/2 an hour. Better do something, or you’ll drop the ball!” Any of these messages sound familiar to you? The way we talk to ourselves most of the time is, well, downright disrespectful. Imagine if it was someone else talking to you like this? Not very loving. Not what a true friend would say, to be sure. I’m not here, because I’m over here. It’s true that I haven’t been blogging as much as usual. I could say I’ve been really busy with work, which is also true, but ultimately that’s just an excuse. The real reason is I’ve been working on myself a lot lately. Exploring some spiritual stuff, working on managing my stress and taking better care of myself. Lots of things are working for me. I’ve stopped taking things so personally, which has always been one of my major flaws. I’m eating more healthy. I’m spending more time with my family, and around children, which always makes me feel good. But mostly, I’ve stopped. In the midst of chaos…September is coming, and for many of us that means back to school, back to full time hours at work, back to all of those things that create chaos after the dog days of summer are past. It’s a time when we often fall off the wagon of taking care of ourselves, despite all of our best intentions. Everyone has their own definition of chaos…here’s mine. I am working on the most challenging project of my career, and at the same time trying to build up business in other areas. School is starting in a few weeks, and I need to get planning my courses. I’ve got some really big plans for my students this year, to challenge them a lot, and really inspire them to achieve. I’m planning on doing some traveling, just short trips to Toronto and Montreal, but I need to fit that in. I need to honour my commitments to the SAW Video Co-op. I need to work in all the hours I have left with my friend to launch our labour of love web project by the end of September. Shhhhh….If I’ve learned one thing this summer, it’s that the number one thing anyone can do to not feel overwhelmed in the midst of chaos is to stop. Be silent. Many people automatically think silence means meditation. Not at all. There are many people I know who meditate every day and swear by it. Other people I know pray – to Jesus, Buddha, Allah, the Universe, or whoever they most identify with. Others just light a candle in a dark room. Some go out in nature. I’ve done all these things, and still do many of them. But the point is, it’s about being silent. It’s about listening to your insides, and not paying attention to your outsides (and yes, this includes your own thoughts, which are ultimately outside of yourself). The more time you can spend being silent, the better off you will be. All the cool kids are doing it. Have a problem? Don’t tell me you don’t. Every single one of us has at least one problem right now. Something that’s really bugging us. It goes over and over in our heads, but we never quite seem to get to a solution. Want to solve it? Stop. Be silent. Don’t allow yourself to think about the problem itself over and over and over again. Let it go. Put it in the hands of the Universe (or Jesus’, or Buddha’s, or the plant in the backyard’s….that part is your personal choice). Then wait. Watch what happens. Suddenly, it will occur to you how to solve it. Or the phone will ring, and the right thing will have happened to make the solution appear. Stop fighting with your stress, your problems, your chaos. Fighting it is not going to make it go away. In fact, the objective is not to make it go away at all. Because challenges are part of life. It’s the path you are on. Instead of battling problems and chaos, work with them. And the best action you can take is to just stop. Get silent. Stop forcing the issue. Stop worrying. If you don’t believe me, that’s fine. But just choose one thing. Just a small thing, if you like. Let that thing go. See what happens. You might just be surprised. How do you deal with chaos?